Who Am I as a Leader?
Stepping into leadership for the first time—whether you’re hiring your first employee or managing people for the first time—can feel exciting and deeply uncomfortable all at once. You might find yourself thinking: Me? A leader? What’s my leadership style? How am I supposed to manage people when I’m still figuring this out myself?
If that sounds familiar, you’re not behind. You’re exactly where most thoughtful leaders start.
Here’s something important that doesn’t get said enough: leadership isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about learning how to lead from who you already are—on purpose.
Leadership Doesn’t Start With Confidence
It Starts With Self-Awareness
Imposter syndrome tends to show up when we think leadership has a single look or personality type. Louder. More authoritative. More decisive. More “put together.”
But leadership isn’t a performance. It’s a practice.
You didn’t end up in this role by accident. Whether you’re a founder building a team or a first-time manager stepping into responsibility, there’s a reason people trust you with others’ growth and success. Confidence doesn’t arrive fully formed—it builds as you learn what your leadership actually looks like.
A Personal Shift That Changed How I Lead
For a long time, I didn’t recognize some of my natural tendencies as leadership skills at all.
Active listening. Asking thoughtful questions. Noticing patterns in people and teams. Being a steady source of support.
I assumed leadership meant having all the answers—or being the loudest voice in the room. But over time, I realized that what people consistently responded to wasn’t authority. It was feeling heard. Feeling understood. Feeling supported in a way that helped them think more clearly and move forward with confidence.
That was a turning point for me: leadership didn’t require me to become more forceful—it required me to be more intentional with the strengths I already had.
Your Communication Style Is a Strength
(When You Use It Intentionally)
There’s no “best” communication style—only conscious and unconscious ones.
Some leaders are naturally direct and decisive. Others are collaborative, reflective, and relationship-driven. Both are powerful. The difference is awareness.
If you’re more direct, your strength is clarity. Your growth edge might be slowing down enough to invite dialogue.
If you’re more collaborative, your strength is inclusion. Your growth edge might be making sure decisions, ownership, and timelines are crystal clear.
Strong leadership isn’t about changing how you communicate—it’s about using your style with intention, and adjusting when the situation calls for it.
Delegation Works Best When It’s Strengths-Aligned
New leaders often feel pressure to do everything themselves—especially founders who built their business from the ground up. Delegation can feel risky, inefficient, or emotionally complicated.
But effective delegation isn’t about offloading work. It’s about matching responsibility to capability and interest.
Instead of asking, “Who has time for this?” try asking:
Who would be energized by this?
Who would grow from owning this?
Who naturally thinks this way?
Give people the destination, the non-negotiables, and the timeline—and let them choose the path. Trust creates ownership, and ownership creates better outcomes (for everyone).
Clear Expectations Create Safety, Not Pressure
People rarely underperform because they don’t care. More often, they struggle because expectations weren’t clear.
Leadership means defining:
What success looks like
Who owns what
How progress will be measured
Breaking big goals into smaller, visible steps helps people feel capable instead of overwhelmed. And following up verbal conversations in writing isn’t micromanaging—it’s clarity.
Clarity builds trust. Confusion erodes it.
Emotional Intelligence Is a Leadership Skill You Can Practice
Leadership is about people first. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being “soft”—it’s about being aware.
Leaders who lead well stay curious. They listen to understand. They ask questions that invite reflection rather than defensiveness.
In one-on-one conversations, try questions like:
What’s working well for you right now?
What feels harder than it should?
What could we do differently to support you better?
When people feel heard, they engage more fully. When they feel safe, they contribute more honestly.
Leadership Isn’t Static—It’s Situational
Strong leaders know when to step in and when to step back.
Some moments require decisiveness and direction. Others require patience and space. Being able to adapt doesn’t mean you’re unsure—it means you’re responsive.
Leadership isn’t about having a fixed style. It’s about knowing when to flex.
Feedback Is Part of the Work
Leadership growth doesn’t happen in isolation. Inviting feedback—thoughtfully and intentionally—builds trust and maturity within a team.
Create space for feedback you’re prepared to hear and act on. And remember: don’t ask questions you can’t do anything about.
When feedback leads to action, people learn that their voice matters.
A Short Reflection Exercise (Optional, But Powerful)
If you’re figuring out what kind of leader you want to be, take a few quiet minutes with these prompts:
What comes naturally to me when I support others?
When have people felt most at ease working with me?
What do others consistently come to me for—advice, clarity, reassurance, problem-solving?
Which leadership expectations feel draining—and which feel energizing?
You don’t need to fix anything here. Just notice the patterns.
That’s where your leadership already lives.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to leadership—and there’s no prize for doing it the hard way.
The most effective leaders are reflective, supported, and willing to talk things through. If you’re navigating your first hire, managing people for the first time, or simply trying to lead in a way that feels aligned and sustainable, having a neutral third party can make a huge difference.
If you want a space to talk through leadership questions, people dynamics, or team decisions—without judgment or pressure—I’m always happy to have that conversation.
You don’t need to become someone else to lead well.
You just need support, awareness, and permission to lead as yourself.
