Civility Isn’t Soft: Why Respect at Work is a Business Strategy
Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of chatter about workplace behavior and civility. The Guardian recently covered how small disputes are popping up more often at work—things like tone, interruptions, or side comments that can spiral quickly. SHRM has also been sounding the alarm on the cost of incivility, pointing out that rudeness and disrespect don’t just hurt feelings—they hurt retention, productivity, and performance.
And I’ve seen the same thing play out with my clients.
There’s still this old-school belief that being “tough” is the only way to lead. But let’s be honest: toughness only works if both people respond to that type of communication—and in my experience, that’s the minority of cases.
Tough leadership isn’t the same as effective leadership.
The Myth of “Toughness” in Leadership
Here’s the thing: yelling, constant negative feedback, interrupting, or steamrolling people doesn’t actually make work go faster. Heck, I’ve even had a boss throw things in the office before in fits of rage. Did that get the job done quicker? No. It made people feel less safe and less willing to speak up.
Being “tough” might look like control on the surface, but in reality, it often creates fear, burnout, and silence. And none of those are good for business.
When Small Conflicts Signal Bigger Problems
I’ve worked with businesses where leaders zeroed in on what they saw as minor performance issues—like an employee showing up late or missing deadlines—and responded with a harsh tone and rigid expectations. The problem? The behavior didn’t improve.
When we took the time to dig deeper, we found that the employee wasn’t being lazy or careless. They were in the middle of a major life upheaval—struggling to find housing—and it was impacting every part of their life.
Now, it’s not a leader’s job to solve someone’s personal situation. But it is their role to give employees access to the right outlets: using time off, adjusting schedules if possible, or pointing them toward resources. That space to regroup can make the difference between an employee who spirals out and one who’s able to come back stronger.
The takeaway: what looks like oversensitivity or a small performance slip often signals a deeper issue in the culture—or in the person’s life—that deserves a closer look.
Sensitivity as a Superpower
I’ve been told my whole life that I’m “too sensitive.” For a long time, I believed it was a flaw. But here’s what I’ve learned: sensitivity is what makes me good at my job. It’s what helps me notice patterns, pick up on unspoken dynamics, and create workplaces where people actually want to stay.
Sensitivity is just another word for empathy, awareness, and emotional intelligence—all qualities that modern leaders need if they want to build engaged, high-performing teams.
Civility isn’t soft. It’s strategy.
What Leaders Can Do
If you want to catch small problems before they spiral, here are a few simple but powerful steps:
Check in individually. A quick, honest conversation can uncover more than a month of “performance management.”
Document patterns. Even something simple—like moving “late” emails into a folder—helps you spot trends faster.
Dig deeper before doubling down. If correcting the behavior isn’t working, ask why. What’s really going on?
Adjust when you can. Sometimes a small scheduling tweak or resource shift can remove a huge barrier.
Approaching people with respect and curiosity doesn’t just feel better—it saves money, boosts retention, and improves performance.
Closing & Engagement
At the end of the day, civility at work isn’t about being nice for the sake of it. It’s about creating the conditions for people to do their best work, stay engaged, and stick around. Respect is a business strategy.
So I’ll leave you with this:
👉 Have you ever been told you’re too sensitive? How did it show up at work? Or, what does civility look like in your workplace?
I’d love to hear your perspective.
